Breastfeeding

is not happening in this house - unfortunately for the boys' sake in terms of getting the nutrients and ingredients in breastmilk, but very fortunately for a routine and pattern we hope to set. 

Apparently - after a caesarean - milk takes longer to come through.  I developed anaemia in pregnancy because I became averse to meat and vegetables and really only ate salad!  I will also talk about my very significant weight loss another day.

They give you an antibiotic shot in the delivery room, but what they don't warn against is if you are taking iron at the same time.  On the second night home I developed a hideous gastric complaint at night when trying to sleep, which kept me constantly in the bathroom for three nights solid!  Iron is apparently anaethma to the system, and the Dr said your system tries to cleanse itself out.  Combined with menopausal symptoms like hot sweats on top of no sleep, I really thought Paul would have to commit me to an asylum, I felt so sick. The Dr prescribed an gastric supressant, which he said would not combine with breastfeeding - and I would have to express milk without giving it to the boys for two weeks.  My midwife was really supportive, and said "is it really worth all that work and hassle?" and made me look at the really sensible decision to move the boys purely to formula through a bottle, on their 5th day, which was July 12th.  Until then, I had tried to breastfeed, but as my milk hadn't come through, I had to supplement it by feeding the boys formula through syringes.  You can see both grandmas feeding the boys in this manner below.  Miriam, my mother-in-law, in the foreground feeding Henry, and my mum in the background, feeding Lewis. 



Despite me intellectually realising that bottle feeding was the more logical decision for all of us (and that way, we could actually tell how much food the boys were taking in) it still made me feel guilty and inadequate that I wasn't able to do the best thing for them.  The midwife did make me feel better when she said that of all the twins she had dealt with, only one woman was able to feed them both successfully.  I still had quite a weep about that decision - why do our hormones beat us up so thoroughly after childbirth, after all the other rigours we go through?

And then through being so run down, I caught a sinusy cold, which I am gradually getting over.  It makes it tough to catch up on any sleep and feel rested.  As I am on the nightshift tonight, we shall have to see what happens and how I cope!

Certainly, our big trip out today to Tesco at Watford went well - though I never knew walking around a supermarket could be so exhausting!  I suppose until then I forget I have not long had a major operation as I generally feel physically more able than I did in late pregnancy when I was bedridden.  But it certainly was a major task for mum, who had to cope with driving in a foreign country, the double buggy for the first time, and two different types of baby seats!  All on top of minimal sleep.  She certainly deserves her day off this Wednesday, when she is having her hair done, and going out for an early birthday celebration lunch with Miriam and some of her friends.  I shall probably feel desperate for her return after a couple of hours on my own.  Still - it's a good test of my ability to cope.  Arghhhhhhhhh!